How talking about your goals in a positive way can increase happiness
I know, I know, relentless positivity is hard to stomach. I’m British and I recently visited Los Angeles for a few weeks. Coming from a place like London, where self-deprecation is a bog-standard necessity, I was astonished by the attitudes of the people over there.
If someone from LA receives a compliment they don’t say, “Really? You like my outfit? It’s so old…” or “Actually, Jerry did most of the work,” or even, “It’s really not as cool as it sounds. I doubt it will lead to anything.”
If someone from LA receives a compliment they say, “Thanks, I worked really hard on that,” and maybe even add, “I’m really excited about what this success could mean for the future.”
Why is owning our successes so hard for us to do? Why does it make us cringe as if the only way to be truly authentic is to lace every thought with scepticism? Granted that LA is a tough place to be, so if you don’t have self-belief you won’t last long, but I wanted to consider the reasons why we could all do with being a little less modest and a little more positive about our achievements.
You are your thoughts
“Watch your thoughts, they become your words; watch your words, they become your actions; watch your actions, they become your habits; watch your habits, they become your character; watch your character, it becomes your destiny.”
― Lao Tzu
A lot of negative thoughts can come from the need for certainty, especially in this uncertain world.
If we know the result, we can’t be surprised or disappointed. Having negative thoughts about an outcome, predicting failure or self-deprecating can lead to self-sabotage and self-fulfilling prophecies.
If we are brave enough to accept that we cannot know the outcome of a situation or read the minds of others, then we can open ourselves up to the possibility that we may have what it takes to succeed.
Manifesting does work
Have you ever been in a situation where you’ve been talking about something you really want but have no idea how to get it, and then, as if by magic, the solution or path has presented itself near after?
This isn’t magic (although that depends on your definition of the word), this is about reminding yourself of what you truly want and having the courage to say it out loud. If what you want is in the forefront of your mind, then you will be able to spot the right opportunities when they come across your path.
You don’t even need to start by saying it out loud. Just write it down somewhere: on the bathroom mirror, in a notebook, or on the back of your hand. Say it to yourself when you wake up or go to sleep. Remind yourself of who you aspire to be, and you will slowly take the steps to become that person.
Positivity breeds positivity. The more you say it out loud, the more you’ll believe in yourself. The more you believe in yourself, the more others will.
Knock and the door will be opened to you.
Debrief and move on
We are our own worst critics, but that is only helpful up to a certain point. After you’ve done it, (it being the job interview, presentation, audition, conversation) give yourself a set amount of time to debrief and assess. After that, move on.
You never know who you’re going to meet
If you meet someone new and they ask you what you’re interested in, you could tell them what you’re already doing, or you could tell them what you aspire to be doing. You never know who that person is or what opportunities they can bring your way.
Maybe the friend of a friend you just met has a connection in the industry you’re trying to break into; maybe your colleague has travelled around the place you’re about to go on holiday to and can give you a list of cheap, amazing places to go; maybe the person you started talking to at a party has been through the same personal battle that you’re struggling with right now.
Most people want to share what they can provide for free, so there’s no harm in putting it out there. You never know what you might gain.
Present yourself with the confidence of the person you aspire to be
It’s hard to present yourself with confidence on the outside if you’re doubting yourself on the inside; even if you know you have what it takes to succeed, the fear of failing can knock you back. Sometimes, confidence is all you need to get the results you want because if you can convince others you’re capable, you might just believe it yourself.
Whoever you are, think of the specific life events that have impacted your self-belief negatively and shoo them away.
Think about the people you know who would blindly march into a situation that they find daunting as if they truly, unwaveringly believed that they deserved to be there. Do you judge them and think them arrogant? Or do you envy them and think them brave?
Don’t talk about my friend like that
This phrase has been making its way through the DMs of millennials across the world. You wouldn’t beat down on your friends or try to diminish their accomplishments, so why would you do that to yourself? Next time you hear a friend negatively talking about themselves, respond in the same way you would if they were talking about someone else you loved, ‘Don’t talk about my friend like that!’ And then, next time you find yourself in a negative thought pattern, tell yourself the same thing.
Surround yourself with people who make you feel good about yourself
This is such a simple one but it’s so true. I used to be surrounded by people who didn’t want the best for me, who kept me from evolving. Though deep down I knew I needed to move on, it was very hard to step into the unknown. However, since I’ve stepped away, miraculous seeming things have happened in my work and personal life, as if a block had been lifted. Only accept people who want the best for you.
Also remember that if you are drawn to negative people, you will adopt their thoughts, but if you move towards people who are interested in self-development and positivity, then you too will adopt that attitude. That way you can grow upwards together.
I dare you…
Create a public event on the Sense Social app
Let’s aim to create the environment that we need in order to flourish…something new…something you’ve always wanted to do.
Invite some friends to the event
Pick and choose the people who you think would like to go on this adventure with you. Use Sense Social’s share feature to send the event information via WhatsApp or your chosen social platform.
Wait and attract other like-minded people to your event
Because your event is public, other Sense Social users can see and message you about your event. You never know who might be interested!
The fun part – attend the event!
Bridge friendships that thrive on positivity, create adventures, and most importantly…have fun!